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    Categories: Mental Health

Why Men Don’t Discuss Sex Openly

Today I was reading a post from VerySmartBrothas which discussed why men don’t discuss their sex lives openly. Like the author, I was thinking, “All I ever hear are men talking about their sex lives.” In fact, I think men do it too much. It gets really old hearing men talk about their latest  female or greatest sexual conquest. Then they turn around and later tell the world how much of a (insert female offensive slang) she was because of (insert trivial reason that never seems to make sense no matter how many times it’s explained). Come to think about it, I’m starting to do the above statement a lot more than I’d like to. We’ll talk about that later.

The author goes on to say that the problem isn’t that we aren’t talking about sex. The real problem is we don’t talk about our feeling or thoughts about sex. I have to agree because I don’t OPENLY talk about my emotions about sex. When I do talk, I do it in small, very intimate circles and rarely in the company of people I don’t know too well or people in which with II have a “professional” relationship. That being said, there are a few reasons why I don’t talk about it.

  1. An Invitation to Whine
    I don’t want to invite guys to a whine-fest. When men get together and talk about their issues, we compain and talk in circles. We don’t have conversations with constructive feedback, which is unproductive. In fact, it’s emotionally draining. Also, most of my friends and I hang out in a group setting at bars, a place for fun. Since I wouldn’t want to ruin the mood, I avoid it at all costs.
  2. Too Exposing
    Talking about sex is extremely personal. I usually don’t care what people know or think about me, but on the other hand I don’t want everyone to know EVERYTHING about me. I know it’s contradicting, but I like the fact that people don’t know everything about me. If they did, I would feel exposed, but if I have a few secrets, then I feel like I stil have some control over my life. I portray myself to some people in a certain way and if I discuss a topic like sex with them, then it could give people an impression of me that I don’t want them to have. This is especially true seeing that people have so many interesting views on sex.
  3. Time to Work It Out
    Like any emotional issue, I try to work it out in my head as much as possible. I will also journal before I decide to take my problems to friends. Sometimes, I have a repeat problem and this way I won’t sound like I’m always whining. Instead of continuously going to the same people with the same problem, I can just work it out in meditation. However, if I can’t work it out, then I’ll take it up with my intimate circle of friends.

Despite my reasons for not wanting to share openly, here are a few reasons why I do think men should start discussing how we feel about sex.

  1. We’re Not Alone
    If we feel this way, a ton of men also feel that way. They just don’t want to look softs or like punks when they are explaining their problems.  They probably feel that way because of their upbringing or peer pressure. They don’t know how to express their feelings in a constructive way.
  2. Helping Each Other
    This could be the best way to help other men with their problems with sex. I mean, if I have a problem with sex, it would be nice to just on Google “Top ten ways to get over your emotional struggles with sex.” What if something I wrote helped a man with his sexual issues? Then one of my purposes as a writer is fulfilled.
  3. Better Sex Experience
    If men talked to each other about their sexual issues, then our women would have a better sex experience, thus we’ll have a better sex experience. If we understood how we felt as individuals when we have sex, maybe we could understand why women have so many problems with men during sex. We could solve those problems and go into sex stress free and highly confident.

Let me know your thoughts on this topic below in the comments section. Men are you willing to open up?