I was reading an article on a site called Black and Married with Kids which discussed the failures of romance and gave advice for men. There were four points, but the one I especially agree with was, “Even though we don’t readily admit it, men have emotional needs that no amount of sex can fill.”
For me personally, I find women who can only offer sex extremely boring. I guess I see them as lifeless material objects that can be easily be replaced or quickly disposed. They come across to me as people who drain my energy and giving me nothing in return. The sex would become boring and more of a physical chore.
However, at the risk of contradicting myself, there is something attractive about a woman who just wants sex and nothing else. The problem is when she wants to be in a serious relationship, but cannot offer anything else. Then I know it isn’t going to work. After sex, I’ll be constantly asking myself, ‘what does this person do for me?’ or ‘why does she deserve my time.’
Again, if it’s just sex and some good laughs, that’s fine, but if a woman wants my time and energy, just giving me sex isn’t going to cut it. It isn’t enough to differentiate her from other women. I’ll ask the question again, why put my time and energy into a woman that can’t do something exceptional?
I’m continuously exploring and trying to understand the type of woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. In my mind, she’s this exceptional woman.
What makes her exceptional? She is someone who would be a stress reliever, but not in a sexual context. She will have the ability to bring me back to a the right frame of mind or help me see the light in my darkest night. She probably could achieve this just by listening to me. Better yet, her presence while I’m handling stressful business would be immensely helpful. The fact that I have someone to go home to is sometimes enough to clear my head.
Second, I want someone who is bettering herself. This woman would understand how important growth is to a person and to a relationship. I don’t want someone who reaches a certain level of success and gets comfortable. I want to continue to grow and learn with her. In my opinion, that’s how people keep living and stay young.
Lastly, I need someone with whom I can have a deep emotional relationship. That type of relationship requires me to have respect for a woman. The deeper my respect I have for a woman, the deeper my love will be for her. I have platonic friends, whom I have never sleep with, but I “love” more than any woman I only slept with. Why? Their actions and beliefs earned my respect. If I don’t talk to these women for a long time, I will miss them. As far as the women who only offered sex, if we didn’t speak, I wouldn’t miss them. Now I’m just theorizing, but I think that if I slept with a woman who earned that type of respect from me, she’d be “the one.”
However, as I gain an understanding of “the one”, I find that I have more questions. When I find her, I’ll need to make sure her existence can answer these two questions.
- How does this woman help me get to the next level of manhood?
- How does this woman help me evolve mentally and spirituality to the level I truly want to be at?
While dating her, if I find the answer to be that she can’t or she wouldn’t, then I will no longer have an interest in a long term relationship with her. I will give her time to grow into that role because she will probably need several months to truly understand the level of manhood I really want to reach. She would also need time to figure out how she could help me get there. If she is unwilling or unable to help me get there, then there is no need to waste both of our time.