As men and women play this game called love, each side has to go back to the drawing board and figure out what went wrong with their last date. They second guess themselves and then they somehow come up with the conclusion that it wasn’t them, it was all the other person’s fault. For example, magazines and movies have been telling women that the reason men have a hard time talking to them is because they are intimidated. I disagree and believe that women should give men who seem shy the benefit of the doubt and work with him if they want to find a good man.
In fact, this is exactly what I shared with a friend of mine the other day. As we talked, she mentioned that men were afraid to talk to her because they found her intimidating. Of course, I disagreed. I suggested that maybe he was a shy brother who didn’t know how to start or hold a conversation. This is true for me as well. I think it’s difficult to find things to talk about if I don’t know you. Especially when you’re at a bar and the only thing there is the counter-top and some television screens. How can I let a start a conversation or let it flow with that?
I also done the cliche conversation starter, you know, “Hello, how are you? Or “You look amazing.” However, that only results in short responses like, “I’m fine, thank you.” Now I’m back at the beginning again, thinking ‘what the hell do we talk about now? Maybe the commercials on the screen or her nice drink.’ None of that sounds very interesting, huh. Even if I do bring it up, I’m back to short, one word answers, like “it’s fine” or “it’s okay.” Then I end up fishing for more things to talk about. In doing so, I go off like a reporter and ask questions about her jobs, her kids, and her schooling. All the while, I’m getting the same one or two word answers. It isn’t very long, maybe minutes into the conversation that I realize this is boring me, so I stop bothering her. As I analyze the situation, I think maybe she has a man or maybe I wasn’t her type or maybe I cam at her wrong. In any case, it’s not worth my time.
With that being said, I don’t think that situation has anything to do with me being intimidated. If a man acted the same way as I did, he’s not intimidated. He is just someone who isn’t very well skilled in the art of communication. He’s someone who isn’t very confident in his approach to women because he fears the worst. If we’re calling that intimidation, I don’t think I’d even approach that type of woman. I think I would have never said a word to her because she looked out of my league.
I can also say for myself that I’m very spacy. I can daydream in a heartbeat. There have been times I’ve looked right at a woman and didn’t even realize she was checking me out. Why? Because I was daydreaming. Of course once I thought about hollering at her, she’d moved on. I could understand her misunderstanding. Hell, I would have done the same thing to be honest.
My suggestion to women who are approached by shy guys is to give them something to talk about. Maybe he’s really trying to respect you and that’s why he’s shy. If you give us a topic of conversation, we’ll know that’s something you want to discuss. That could make the conversation go much smoother. Also, if you’re not interested in a man, just say so. Trust me, if he’s anything like me, he’ll just walk away politely.