A wise man once told me that everything can be offensive. I always thought that was an exaggeration, until today.I came to work happy that my cousin is going to sell me a new laptop for $300, and my lady friend, whom I have been spending time with, decided to take our relationship to the next level. And I got a lot of really good family news. Not to mention last night i made $119 in tips. I was on a natural high. But today I have to work with a second busser–the ever-irate George Heller.
George walked in as if he was a drill sergeant, buzz cut, chest out, no facial hair and not a single winkle or spot on his uniform. He walked like a dictator and scanned the room as if he just conquered it. He then looked at me: five o’ clock shadow, spotty uniform, slouched over, walking with a stroll, until we we get busy of course.
As his face turned pink, he said, “Is that how you present yourself as a man, soldier?”
“It ain’t boot camp.”
“Every man needs to–”
“Take your fake Blackwater soldier butt some where. I’m on a real high right now, so don’t mess up my high.”
“No you look like a wimp. It’s bad enough I have to bus tables for this restaurant–”
“Same here, but I’m feeling–”
“I’m not going to stand for imperfection” he said, accidentally spitting in my face.
“Know what Blackwater? I’m tired of you spitting in my face–”
The manager on duty, Donald, shoveled us to the side. “Not today gentlemen. Just walk away and do you job.” Yeah I have to agree with that strategy. I’m not doing myself any favors working this out with Blackwater. Meanwhile, Blackwater was sizing me up like he wanted some more trouble.
Luckily the restaurant got super busy, so he couldn’t even pick a fight with me. At one point, I even forgot what had happened. Also, when we are this busy, we seem to work together fine.
Donald pulled me aside and asked, “A woman on table 68 is allergic to dust and there’s tons of dust around the flower pots. Find some dust remover and clean it off.”
Odd request, but whatever. I hunt all over down stairs, with no luck. Meanwhile, the work load for Blackwater was mounting and he’s starting to stare down at me again. The hell with him, I’m doing what the manager said. But since I have no luck, I went over and wiped the area down with a wet rag and walked away.
Minutes later, Donald pulled me aside. “Nick, I needed you to use the dust remover to remove the dust. I don’t appreciate you doing a half-ass job. She’s very allergic. Clean it properly.” Somebody please tell me how much of a difference it makes? Fine, I’ll use a dust remover. I ran upstairs where we have our supplies–nothing. I doubled checked every place downstairs–nothing. I even asked Donald where the dust remover was, he told me to ask Blackwater.
“Hey George, do you have any idea where the dust remover is?”
Blackwater’s face turned to brick red as he grabbed my uniform and shovel me to the wall. “I don’t care who you are, don’t ever call me that.”
So I punched him in the face then kneed him in the stomach, which forced him to let me go. Suddenly a crowd of employees surround me and Blackwater. After we calmed down, Donald took us both upstairs, sat us right next to each other and asked, “What happened?”
Blackwater replied, “I don’t like what he called me–”
I interrupted, “I asked for dust remover.”
“Don’t ever say that to me again!”
“What? What is wrong with dust remover? I just asked where it was?”
“You know how you are, always making insults out of normal things. That might have been one of your ‘insults.’”
“Okay, but normally, an insult has some kinda meaning behind it, some kinda history. I can see if I called you bitch, okay, because I’m calling you less of a man. But dust remover? What am I calling him–clean? Spotless? Is there something about dust that holy or something? And the dust remover is, I don’t know, removing your god or something? What?”
Well Nick,” Donald intervened, “I see George’s argument–sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s offensive and what’s not with you–”
“But dust remover?” I screamed, “Man, I came here on a high and–What makes that offensive? Man, please explain that to me.”
“Again,” Donald repeated, “It’s very difficult to see if your joking or not so. However, I don’t care what you said, George had no right doing what you did. So as far as I’m concerned, these are off-setting penalties and you are both dismissed.” Now, I agree that was the dumbest thing I ever heard, but I’ll take the gift-horse.
As we started to walk out, Donald stopped me. “I’m going to need you to sit back down, Nick.” I sat down as George closed the door behind him. Donald continued, “I also understand that you were high today is that correct?”
“Well, I was until that happened.”
“Mmm, hmm.” He went through his file cabinets and pulled out a slip of paper. “Take this, right now, to the clinic. They’ll mail me back the results.”
I looked at the paper and it was instructions and forms for a drug test. “You’re having me take a drug test?” I asked.
“Please don’t come back until you have passed the test.”
“In other words I’m suspended?”
“You’re relieved of duty until further notice.”
I should of got mad. But, I never too drugs, I don’t even drink. And it’s takes about a week to get the test results back. So looks like I got a vacation!
Authors bio is coming up shortly.
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